Thursday, June 11, 2009

Michael Phillips: Portrait of a loser – Part 7 (mailbag)

Michael Phillips (MJP) of, Professional Loser

The only part of that I used to read was the mailbag section where MJP would publish mostly angry and often inappropriate e-mails, mostly coming from poetry traditionalists. But this was not always the case. MJP would sometimes publish an e-mail for no reason other than to be sadistic:

Subject: site feedback
From: Pat

Im a french male living in Chile, and I offer myself as a nude model for Art works.
You can contact me at UNDISCLOSED EMAIL

Note that unlike MJP, I have not disclosed this guy’s actual e-mail. That would be inappropriate because the poor guy hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s a nude model. It’s a job and an honest living. Selling your own so-called art like MJP is demeaning, not being a nude model.

You might argue that I too am a sadist. I am a sadist. But I only enjoy hurting assholes. I am not the terrorist that MJP is. I’ve never gone after someone who didn’t have it coming.

This mailbag entry I loved:

Subject: My work [new blood]

alot of the fine art on your site is absolute dogshit compared to my work. such an obvious abundance of forgettable mediocrity. You deny your own eyes. I clean more soul from beneath my fingernails every day than you can comprehend. I thought the day I got on your site would be the zenith of my career. Quite frankly, I'm surprised. My life is too short to be filled with so much shame. three cheers for the banal masses. Pussy. I'm picking my nose as I write this. Fecal peanuts for you. You've fucked with the wrong shitty painter. Come to NY and see me so I can step on your throat. Put this entire letter up. It would speak volumes if you would just listen. Go ahead you sorry little cunt. Let's see what happens.


“I clean more soul from beneath my fingernails every day than you can comprehend.” That’s a great line. I think this guy Matt is a vastly better poet than MJP. Though I think Matt could use a few pointers on how to be scary. It’s best not to threaten people online because you leave behind all that evidence. If you really must invite MJP to visit you in New York in order for you to step on his throat, you should give him your home address. Or better yet, give him the address of the half-way house that you will be staying at when you have served your prison sentence.


Anonymous said...


One thing this tour of duty has taught me is that there is no such thing as morals and that killing can't possible be wrong for some people.

I think when I get home I'm gonna do you one big assed favor.

A lot of my job has been sitting and waiting. You would be amazed how much you can accomplish if you just sit and wait in the right place.


Dickie said...


I hope that favor includes putting me out of my misery.

I have been sitting by this computer all day and have accomplished practically nothing. At least the Red Sox beat the Yankees.

When does your tour end?

Anonymous said...

Dickie, if I tell you when my tour ends exactly I can be narrowed down to one of three units and I am using a jailbroken iPhone, specifically against regs, because none of us are supposed to have open access to media like Youtube, which I watch all the time. I'm literally not allowed to be posting about what I'm doing here on your website. More regulations. You think prisoners in the US have their rights fucked with?? Try us! We can't do shit. Except get blown to bits. And you know what, I'm fucking bitter. Hundreds of thousands of us have swarmed through here and made it home and only 4000 some have died? What you never hear about are the dozens of thousands who are just completely messed up! I'm fucked up and if I went to the shrink they'd say I was fucked up before I got here. I lied my ass off to get in for a $40,000 signing bonus that I iwll probably never see now because of some small print shit. Fuck it.

I see you as fighting the man. I follow other people fighting. Anywhere but here.

Look at this: