My date with the 34 year old Johana on Sunday loomed over me like a dark cloud. Though she seemed vaguely interesting, was sort of a neo-hippie that had a goat named Timmie, there was nothing especially compelling about her profile. I don't like younger women because they don't know shit about life. A woman over 40 has reached a level of maturity where she is jaded and sees lifes more as it really is. What I was really after was Johana's eggs cells. They were still in fairly good shape. Statistically her chromosomes had a full year before they took a nose dive. She was still a safe breeding prospect. I had no business dating a woman that age without having a decent job, and I knew she was going to be trouble because of the fact that she took so long getting back to me and was on Fast Cupid 24/7. She was probably getting a lot of "dating" action or was extremely fickle.
Johana is going to fit into the story, but let's go back to Cheryl. I wrote Cheryl back the next day. I cannot, for some reason find this message. She did not get back to me. Certainly a woman that expresses a want to see me again not once but twice would get back to me. Was it all bullshit? Was she fickle? Did she expect me to cell phone her? I didn't have her number. I had accidentally deleted it. Fast Cupid sometimes doesn't deliver messages. I've seen it happen before. I found Cheryl on myspace. I wrote her the following a week later:
Sorry for contacting you this way, but it was the only thing I could think of. I inadvertently deleted your voice message and no longer have your number. I sent a message to you at Fast Cupid/Salon on Monday, but they list you as not having logged on for a week. Occasionally Fast Cupid does not forward messages, erases them, or puts them in your Bulk Mail folder.
I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed meeting you and would love to meet you again.
Cheryl writes me this a week later on Fast Cupid:
Yes, I am sure we can meet again. It can't be till after tax time, tho, as I have a couple of book club sessions scheduled before that, and it will take a while to get my papers in order! Especially since my first week back to work was really grueling, so I don't see myself working thru the slog very expeditiously.
You can call [UNDISCLOSED] sometime in the midst of early April, tho, if you wish.
Book club sessions? If I had a choice between losing my pinky toe and seeing Cheryl I would have sacrificed the pinky toe. And it would have been a no-brainer. Book club?
I write her the following:
I can't call you till Mid April? Okay, you force me to mark off each day on the calendar like that desperate guy in the movie "Swingers."
Another day, another X on the calender ... the suffering I must endure...
And then she writes me on Myspace a week later:
Hope all's well with you. My phone's been out of order for the last couple of weeks anyway--verizon had it on for a few days, but messed it up again. When it works, I can be reached at [UNDISCLOSED]. At least I still have DSL (hoping that i've not just jinxed myself)!
So I did see and respond to your FC email, when I finally made time to check back in to the site. It's a long road to getting back to normal, fills up my plate right good, it does. Still have to get around to doing the taxes, too, ugh--only 3 days left... Was going to try to get all the papers in order today, but after cleaning up some of the major detritus accumulated from a month of limited arm ability, had no spirit left for going thru papers; the other labors wore me out and ached me up, so I ended up sleeping half the day away on pain meds (and, in the end, I really don't have a lot to show for my efforts--the place is still somewhat of a wreck).
Sometime after this week will be better for meeting up, as I've got several medical appointments plus truly full time working going again (and the taxes!), so I won't be very lively, and likely to be somewhat whiny, in the little free time I'll have in the next several days. Hopefully my phone will be back to working order by the time I feel more free, and we can try another date.
This was beginning to sound like a whole lot of bullshit. I write her the following:
I see you're going through a difficult period. I understand. I'll call you in two weeks to see how you're doing.
Please take care of yourself.
Yesterday when I called Cheryl, I had almost as little desire to see her as the 34 year old Johana. I think Cheryl was giving me a lot of bullshit. I know this because I know that when women like you there is never a big load of excuses. Yes, I know the poor woman had major surgery but if she was so bad off, why was she dating? If she really desired me she would not have asked me to call her two weeks later. She would have called me to say hello and made it very clear that she was busy, if in fact she was. She would not have told me about her book club and given me a plethora of other excuses. Okay, I understand how book club would take precedence over me. I'm totally cool with that. But you shouldn't tell me that after impressing upon me on the date how much you want to see me again. All I read from her messages was excuses and bullshit and I resented her. Maybe she was interested in me then but had a change of heart. Maybe it was all bullshit. Who knows. Whatever. But if you're not interested, just fucking don't write back or say you're not interested. Women go through unimaginable lengths to fabricate tangled webs of bullshit. It is such a waste of my time and an unbelievable emotional drain.
The full disaster of my love live will be revealed in the third and final blog installment of The woman who sucked the life out of me.