I was stressed as hell that day about things having nothing to do with my date with Cheryl, a 40 year old with a biology background. It was about a month ago. I left for the date early anticipating getting lost in Somerville, did get lost, completely freaked out, and still was plenty early, yet really rattled. For a first date, Cheryl selected a crowded restaurant/bar with a live band. I have damaged vocal cords, and my voice was in very bad shape that day. There was no way I could talk over that volume. Now I had to suggest the crappy looking little pizza store across the street. If she had balked I would have to have walked. But where was she? 20 minutes after our appointed time I get a voice message on my cell phone. She had not given me her cell number, so I could not call. It was Cheryl. She said she would be late. I wanted to call her back to tell her that I acknowledged and would wait but I was so frazzled that I accidentally deleted the voice message.
When she arrived she was polite and I kept it cool and politely told her the situation with my voice and requested that we go across the street. She was cool. She was vastly better looking than her photo. I thought she was beautiful. My deep affection, and yes -- I think I can say love for this woman started with this first look.
I was anxious and out of it, but all and all the date went pretty well. I liked Cheryl a lot. She looked so much like an actress called Amy Acker ("Angel", "Dollhouse."). It freaked me out. I had to keep telling myself that I was not talking to someone I've seen on TV who has played a nice demon. It disoriented me. I doubt if this would have happened if I wasn't under so much stress. I could make a lot of women laugh a lot better than Cheryl but I think we were able to communicate pretty well, and she never busted my balls once. The poor women had just had major surgery to remove a tumor from her spinal cord. I thought I might have found someone special.
We had coffee later at a Dunkin' Donuts down the street. She didn't thank me for the lunch or coffee/donut but she did question the Dunkin' Donuts cashier about a funny looking charge which turned out to be a credit rather than a debit, because there was a sale. It is out of the question that women thank me for what I buy for them, but I think, relatively speaking, Cheryl went above and beyond the call of duty.
At a certain point Cheryl started looking over at some young girl. This was either squirm or she really liked children. I have a squirm rule: If there is squirm or suspected squirm, I like to end the date if it's gone over 20 minutes. I knew I had to wrap up the date, but I kept talking, hoping that she just liked kids. Some coffee went down the wrong way and I excused myself to go to the bathroom to have a major coughing attacking. I decided when I came out to wrap up the date. The poor women didn't even have a car. She was taking a bus. I waited for her to get on the bus. She asked me where my car was? Why was that? Was she trying to determine if I was going to follow her? The bus came fast. She offered a handshake. I was afraid to offer her my usual hug because of her surgery. I gave her a handshake. And then she said really enjoyed meeting me and wanted to meet me again. I was out of it. I was experiencing a lot of anxiety, and I had detected possible squirm, and I wondered whether she though I was a stalker and this was just bullshit, and looking at her that closely at that angle I saw nose hair. It freaked me out even more. I gave her a very half-hearted, "Yes, I would like to see you again too." But then she emphasized again how much she would like to see me again. I have never seen a women do that before. I was shocked. Again, I gave her a half-hearted, "I would really like to see you again too." I was too drained from anxiety and off-balance to act enthusiastic. I still didn't entirely believe her and I was too overwhelmed to be enthusiastic about anything.
I saw her pay her fare. She waved to me. I waved back. I averted my eyes as she walked into the bus.
I didn't have her number. She didn't know that I deleted her phone message by accident. I didn't feel comfortable putting her on the spot, asking her for her number. I should have told her that I didn't have her number, and requested that she call me. I was too frazzled to think straight.