Same old blah...

Yesterday morning I looked at my work and freaked. Got about an hour done before the anxiety and despair became intolerable. My perineum was irritating the hell out of me. I wanted to masturbate to get some relief but I couldn't because that could make it worse. Decided to do my lease with my public housing authority, which takes hours because they want all this financial info and copies, blah, blah. Thought once I get my lease out of the way I could do my work. Did the lease. Solicited some 36 year old on fastcupid. She liked Fante (that was my intro line), wasn't bad looking but had eyebrows like Leonard Brezhnev. I knew this would bother me if I ever met her, but I solicited her anyways because she was 36, and a 36 year old can reproduce. Decided that tomorrow if I can get 5 hours of work done I could drink afterward. My perineum was killing me. I decided to masturbate. Big ordeal. Requires 20 minutes of icing down afterward to mitigate the swelling. I tried to work again. It was fucking useless. I decided that I would need to drink today in order to face my work tomorrow. The 36 year old had written me back. Wanted to engage me in some kinda fucking ridiculous e-mail dialog. You got to be kidding me. There are million boring women out there, some of whom will go out with me without giving me a pain in the ass. Why waste my time. I avoided the e-mail dialog and asked her for coffee. Put odds against her saying yes, but who knows and who cares. The masturbation had not made me worse, it had made me better, so I got greedy and masturbated again. This was risky but it didn't screw me up. I took a shower and got something to drink so I can face today.