Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The bagel slave that is I


There is a far worse demon than my demon alcohol; it is my bagel demon. Bagels at Shaws are 89 cents if you buy them by the piece. Like all bagels these days, Shaws bagels are insanely expensive for something that is made mostly out of flour; however, if you buy the Shaws bagel 4 pack, you pay $2.79, which is 70 cents a bagel. The trouble with the 4 pack is that you have to get there early or all the bagel 4 packs will be taken. Notice how the bagel 4 pack in the photo is Asiago bagels. I hate Asiago bagels, but had no choice but to buy them, as this was the last 4 pack left.

I often get to Shaws at the crack of dawn in order to beat my bastard shopper competition for bagel 4 packs only to find that Shaws decided not to make bagel 4 packs that day. I have yet to find a Shaws that consistently makes bagel 4 packs each and every day. It’s like they’re just fucking with you.

I’m nothing more than a cheap bagel junkie. If it gets any worse I’m going to have perform tricks in back alleys in order to feed my habit. (Hopefully, just magic tricks.) Accordingly, I have decided to quit eating bagels. It’s too expense and too much bother running off to the store early in the morning like the lowlife bagel junkie that I have become. I’m going to start buying that really gross $1.00 generic white bread. It gets stale really fast, so I’ll just buy a few loaves a week. At least I won’t have to rush out early in the morning to buy that garbage. Maybe I should start making my own bread if it’s not too expensive and too difficult. I don’t see why I should have to pay so much money for good bread.

In Hungary you could buy fresh, delicious kifli, which are sort of like croissants, really cheaply. Bread is very cheap in Hungary and better. I don’t know how we consumers in the United States allow this bagel conspiracy. They’re probably making a huge fortune on these bagels, and it’s not like they’re even good. They’re just junk bagels you find in the supermarket.

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