I went too far with Heather in my last post. What you saw was an angry, immature, slightly mad person. I’m not going to edit or delete what I wrote, for that’s how I feel. I’m a bitter and ugly person. It’s just the way it is. It’s not pretty, but that is who I am. Psychiatric professionals tell you that you should love yourself, but it’s really quite impossible to have self-love for a person as ugly as I am. I have a grudging respect for myself. That is all. And that came only after nearly 40 years of self-hatred.
I wish I were more of a man. I wish I could say to Heather that there are no hard feelings and that I wish her the best of luck. I really do wish that I could say these things, but I don’t entirely believe them, so can’t. Maybe in the future I will be man enough to do this.
1 comment:
I randomly found your blog when I googled "quit dating" and I read your tirade against your ex. I just wanted to say it sounds like my latest breakup in which I'm REALLY angry and he's just an ordinary drunk who made one too many selfish moves. Immediately after I recovered my personal belongings from his apartment, I began sending a series of abusive text messages that I'm not exactly proud of, but it felt so good.
Anyway, there isn't much point in this comment except to acknowledge some similarities. That there is someone out there who can turn affection into burning hatred as efficiently as I can is nice to know.
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