Friday, February 18, 2011

The Walmart Strategy

I followed my dream today of being a pool boy by buying a swimsuit at Target for the lifeguard course I will be taking next week. As pathetic and comical as this dream is, a dream is a dream.

Target didn’t have much in the way of swimsuits. A lot of stupid, loud colors and patterns; however, I came across a navy colored swimsuit with little white anchors stitched all over it. It was the most gayest swimsuit I’ve ever seen and, despite the fact that it lacked a front pocket –- I had to have it! I was in love with how cute it was. I wouldn’t be caught dead in something that looked overtly gay, but this swimsuit sent an understated yet overwhelmingly powerful message that you are gay and you are proud! -- and I loved the concept. The large swimsuit was too small on me, and they didn’t have an extra large, so I opted for a very plain and boring swimsuit for fifteen dollars.

I saw a baseball hat that I fell in love with too. It was a Bud Lite hat, and normally I wouldn’t be caught dead in a hat like that, but this hat had a bottle opener embedded in its bill. It was so trailer trashy that I instantly fell in love with the hat and needed to have it, but I am like, very low on funds and opted to deny to myself the object of my love.

While I looked for the swimsuit, there was an old guy talking on his cell in Russian, using very common Russian words and phrases that I had learned last year in order to live in Siberia or Moldova. The plan was to find a woman there to create a child with and teach English; now that I have switched my strategy to looking for impoverished women in the U.S. to create a child with, the Russian and the English that I devoted so much time to learning is fairly useless. A year ago I could understand a lot of what he was saying, but now I had no idea what his words meant. It made me sad to know that I will never be able to live in a foreign land where the most beautiful language in the world is spoken. English and Spanish and German are ugly and vulgar languages. You don’t fully realize this until you’ve studied Russian. I have always despised and wanted to escape the U.S. I hate its right-wing assholes (including its right-wing wannabe --Barrack Obama) and I hate its fuck you attitude. I will not have the time nor money to ever escape this place, as I will be up to my eyeballs in shit soon. I have Obama to thank for taking away my publicly funded fuel assistance and for taking away my tax credit for the poor, and thus raising my taxes. I need these things, for I will be joining the ranks of the working poor soon, if I am lucky enough to get jobs. (This is plural, for I will need more than one job.) I will still be fucked up the ass by the drug companies. I am not sure if Obama’s overly-confusing healthcare program will cover me at all. It won’t help me in the near future, when I will need it. That I know.

I voted for Obama and he fucked me. You liberal-minded middle-classers with your spending cash (even if it is not too much) and your semi-comfortable lifestyles are next in line to be fucked by this wolf in sheep’s clothing. I hope that you will remember my words before casting your vote for Obama again. Obama is a war-mongering, right-wing suck-up. I advise voting for Mickey Mouse. Our democracy has been bought and sold. If you really want a change, start a revolution.