I wrote this for the FastCupid blog but never posted it:
There is a whole little universe within a universe operating here. It revolves whether I'm here or not.
I could tell you how I'm doing, but people who know me know that I'm probably going to tell you that I'm miserable, lonely, and completely obsessed with a need to create my own family. What many of you don't know is that I have become Captain Ahab and am fully prepared to sacrifice everything in pursuit of my dream.
I pass up perfectly good 44 year olds who write me, and instead chase the elusive 34 year olds that will go out with me. It has nothing to do with getting a better fuck. I really don't care about sex. As horny as I am, my need for sex is the least of my problems. A younger me would never conceive that I would say something like this.
One of the provocateurs on this site stated that I could not get laid. I did not reply to him, but this is really not true. I haven't had sex since 2001, but I've had opportunities to get sex from women my own age within the last few years. I turn down these opportunities because when they present themselves I worry about all the time my having sex with women will take up. That is time that could be better spent plotting to put myself into a position where I can increase my odds of finding someone I can start a family with. In addition, it raises moral issues, which I'm not going to get into.
I have only so much MOJO left in the tank. And right now I'm running on fumes. All I have to do is get just a little bit older, and I will not be able to attract reproductively viable women, anywhere. As the impending doom of age encroaches it takes me further down the road of panic, desperation, and perhaps madness.
