Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A man’s guide to post first-date rejection

While some so-called experts might say that you need to take risks in dating, I believe that most post first-date rejection risks can be avoided and are actually detrimental to your psychological health. If you feel there is a chance you will be rejected, don't try because you probably will be rejected.

1.) Don't trust what you hear on dates. Trust what you see and feel. While this is counter-initiative, a woman expressing interest in seeing you again, no matter how sincere sounding, is more likely a sign of rejection than acceptance.

2.) The key indicator of acceptance or rejection is parting physical contact. If the woman extends her arm to shake your hand, I don't care how much interest she expresses in seeing you again, she has little or no desire in seeing you again. If you get a tight hug -- especially a prolonged tight hug, you have been accepted and can safely ask the woman for a second date (but do it the next day.) Anything stronger than a hug like a kiss is also a sure sign that you've been accepted.

3.) Pay close attention to body language. If you receive the slightest scowl at any point, uncomfortable look, or closed stance such as arms crossed, you better get a tight hug before asking the woman out again. Also, keep a close look out for distractibility. When women time slice a good share of attention to small children or want to know the score of the ballgame playing, it is often a sign that they really don't want to be on the date.

4.) Traumatic Exit: If a woman starts to complain about symptoms of discomfort from any type of illness, very, very politely give her the option to leave. Offer to walk her to her car. Don't embarrass yourself by not taking a hint. Play it cool. Walk her to her car. Be nice. But don't let on that you're interested in her.

5.) Formal Exit: When women want you to walk out with them, this is most likely a rejection. Like the traumatic exit, play it cool. Often the Formal Exit is preceded by a lot of very choreographed sounding bullshit about how much she enjoyed seeing you and how great it would be to meet again. When I woman does like you, she generally doesn't want to leave. She wants to keep talking for dear life.

6.) Rude Dates: These are very rare dates where the woman is either being rude and/or insulting to your intelligence. For example, if you haven't been eating very long and the woman (who has been complaining or rude throughout the date) says something to you such as "It's crowded. The waiter is eying us. I think he wants us to leave." Say to the woman that she is free to leave if she wants but you're going to finish your meal. She'll probably exit on the spot. As she exits, smile and say and very earnestly say, "It's been great meeting you." But don't get up. Keep eating. Don't look angry. Don't look upset. You're just a guy who's trying to eat his meal who doesn't give two craps about the woman.

7.) No matter how good a date seems to be going, never express interest in seeing the woman again on the same date. It just looks bad. Express your interest the very next day. And don't wait more than the very next day so to look cool. Don't screw around.

8.) When a woman decides to terminate a date after only a short time, extend your arm out as you get up to shake her hand, give her a friendly smile and tell her it was nice to meet her. Make sure to get that hand out fast, you want to preempt her handshake. She might even feel guilty at this point at give you a hug and instead of a handshake. Be very careful not to give her a tight hug. Give only as much hug pressure as she exerts on you. Try to release from the hug before her. Sit right back down. Don't offer to walk out with her, even if she requests it.

9.) Look for any signs that the woman is trying to indirectly tell you that she would like to exit. BUT BE COOL. Very politely tell her that if she would like to go she could. The reason why I cannot express enough that you should be cool and polite about this is because she might actually want to stay. There is so much indirection used in dating that is like navigating through a minefield of bullshit.

10.) If you do get rejected, never ever ask why or ask to be friends or any bullshit like this. Be a man. Don't embarrass yourself.

11.) Not all of these rules are universal. Once in a great while they will fail you. You're the ultimate authority on your date, not me. The key is to trust your instincts, be cool, and if you get rejected, take it like a man. If a woman doesn't want you, no matter how much you want to deny this, you'll never have her, so again, take it like a man and find a better woman.