Letter to Comrad L

Dear Comrad L,

You have caught me in one my moments of depression, slight drunkenness, and existential dread.

It's hard being me sometimes. Sometimes I need to look at my fantasy woman's profile on OkayCupid just to stay straight. She is of course you. I marveled today how you seem to keep your shit together so well.

I don't know exactly what limeware or frostwire is, though they sound like things that are trying to subvert my ability to put a roof over my head.

I wish I could talk to other women as easily and freely as I talked to you. But it's always so strained and so forced and so hard with them. A beautiful 33 year old canceled a date with me today. I was grateful. I beautiful 36 year old rejected me today, telling me she was involved. I was grateful. A 37 year old who says she grew up on a hippie commune, and who expressed interest in having coffee with me didn't get back to me yet. I hope she never will. The only woman that upset me was the 45 year old, hot looking artist who gave me all this shit, coming off like I had something to hide because I told her that I preferred not to chat with her over the phone prior to meeting her, though I did give her my home and cell number. Only women over 40 have this compelling need for "chats." I refuse to do them. They make me very anxious and I disagree with the concept of screening interviews on philosophical grounds. These women are still stuck in an age before the Internet, where personal ads were 3 or 4 lines long and came out of print newspapers. You exchanged snail-mail, exchanged phone numbers, "screened" and negotiated meeting times over the phone. It was a very backwards age. I actually wanted to meet this woman. But only sort of. She didn't offer me a family. She already had her own. I guess you could say that she represented companionship, but she also represented middle age, old age, and death.

I hope you're well. I know you're working hard. Do what you need to do to take care of your own ass. You're in my thoughts. I appreciate all the sweetness you've shown me.

I will put this letter in my blog. Don't worry, I will never reveal any personal information about you. Your alias will be Comrad L.

-Ed