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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The bagel slave that is I

GEDC1741

There is a far worse demon than my demon alcohol; it is my bagel demon. Bagels at Shaws are 89 cents if you buy them by the piece. Like all bagels these days, Shaws bagels are insanely expensive for something that is made mostly out of flour; however, if you buy the Shaws bagel 4 pack, you pay $2.79, which is 70 cents a bagel. The trouble with the 4 pack is that you have to get there early or all the bagel 4 packs will be taken. Notice how the bagel 4 pack in the photo is Asiago bagels. I hate Asiago bagels, but had no choice but to buy them, as this was the last 4 pack left.

I often get to Shaws at the crack of dawn in order to beat my bastard shopper competition for bagel 4 packs only to find that Shaws decided not to make bagel 4 packs that day. I have yet to find a Shaws that consistently makes bagel 4 packs each and every day. It’s like they’re just fucking with you.

I’m nothing more than a cheap bagel junkie. If it gets any worse I’m going to have perform tricks in back alleys in order to feed my habit. (Hopefully, just magic tricks.) Accordingly, I have decided to quit eating bagels. It’s too expense and too much bother running off to the store early in the morning like the lowlife bagel junkie that I have become. I’m going to start buying that really gross $1.00 generic white bread. It gets stale really fast, so I’ll just buy a few loaves a week. At least I won’t have to rush out early in the morning to buy that garbage. Maybe I should start making my own bread if it’s not too expensive and too difficult. I don’t see why I should have to pay so much money for good bread.

In Hungary you could buy fresh, delicious kifli, which are sort of like croissants, really cheaply. Bread is very cheap in Hungary and better. I don’t know how we consumers in the United States allow this bagel conspiracy. They’re probably making a huge fortune on these bagels, and it’s not like they’re even good. They’re just junk bagels you find in the supermarket.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I finally made it to L.A. No, not the Los Angeles L.A. -- the other L.A. -- the Lewiston-Auburn area of Maine.

lewiston-auburn-maine

I’m looking for a new place to live. Something cheap, that a wage-slave like myself can barely afford. I did a lot of research. My first stop was what is called, by some, the L-A. area, which is the Lewiston-Auburn area of Maine, located in what is called Central Maine, though, as you can see in the map below, it seems to be more southern than central Maine. (I guess no one actually lives in the northern part of Maine.)

(Lewiston marked by the red A pin)

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I stayed at the Motel 6 in Lewiston. Walking towards my room, I got hit hard by the nauseating moldy odor in the hallways. Everything about this motel felt not-too-clean, though I didn’t see any visible grime, and they bother to vacuum under the bed, unlike many much more expensive motels. This motel allows pets. I woke at 6 a.m. to a dog – not barking, but moaning. This is at least better than waking up to the itch of bed bug bites, but not so hot. The motel probably gave the poor dog the creeps. The motel is located in a more rural and nicer part of Lewiston. The staff was friendly. This motel will make your skin crawl, but at $53 a night with a AAA discount, this is the budget traveler’s best bet, as you will pay at least $30 dollars more for other hotels in the area, which receive similarly poor ratings on Expedia and Orbitz.

I would tell you that this motel is only really good for hiring sex workers to sex it up with; however, since the motel doesn’t allow guests after 9:00 p.m., it’s not even good for paid sex – even unpaid sex. I was deeply disappointed that they would not allow in after 9:00 p.m. the 6’6 transsexual body builder and sex worker whom I had hired to arm wrestle me and slap me till I was black and blue with the 10 inch penis she advertised herself as having. What has this world come to when one can’t even get a good beat down by a transsexual sex worker in a cheap motel?

Lewiston and Auburn are sister cities, separated by a river – sort of like Boston and Cambridge, only they are much smaller and crappier. Auburn is richer (though not rich) and has big corporate chains – there is even a Starbucks there, a nice one too with hyper-friendly young baristas. You will see the only yuppies in the entire Lewiston-Auburn area in this Starbucks.

Lewiston is a former mill town. It looks like Lowell, MA (where Kerouac is from), though not nearly as crappy and congested and ugly and depressing as Lowell. I cannot imagine anyplace as depressing and horrible as Lowell.

(I stole this photo of Lewiston from Wikipedia. I don’t think this photo sufficiently captures the ugliness of the city. I did not have time to photograph Lewiston, as there was no convenient place to park, where I could get a good view of everything.)File:Lew2maine.jpg

Lewiston is not great, but not awful. There are places that are far worse and far more expensive than Lewiston. I did not have time to check out the Lewiston library. The Auburn library was large for such a small city and was modern. They had computers, Wi-Fi, the works.

What I was struck by was the racial harmony of Lewiston. I have never seen blacks and whites living together – even socializing together in poor neighborhoods. I was awed by this. I did not think it was possible in the United States. I saw so many interracial couples with interracial children walking down the street together. Haven’t these people ever heard of racism and racial segregation? Don’t these people understand that there is an impenetrable barrier between the races? Why aren’t they living in the 17th century like everyone else in the United States? What’s with these people?

(View of Auburn from the Burger King parking lot.)GEDC1708

These people are poor. They don’t smile too much. They don’t yap away on their cell phones too much. They seem a little hardened. They are often fat and dress poorly. The men often drive pickup trucks, and the older men often have hillbilly beards. Some of the women, who are probably immigrants from Africa, wear headscarves. I do not get the sense, as an outside observer, that there is any backwardness to these people, only poverty.

(A house, perhaps even a farmhouse, on the outskirts of Auburn.)GEDC1699

The Lewiston-Auburn area, while somewhat depressing and awful, is okay and probably doable. The big problem with Maine is that there is an asshole governor, Paul LePage, who hates the poor, who has already kicked many of the poor off Medicaid, and opposes Obama’s Medicaid expansion. All I would need is one visit to the emergency room, and it would financially break me. But that’s the point. In the fascist belief system, which we now call libertarianism and republicanism, the strong survive and the weak perish; it’s in the natural order of things. My getting sick and dying is nature’s way of weeding out those who are not assholes.

(Governor Paul LePage, gonadsucker, holding up a Declaration of Independence. Ho Chi Minh modeled the Vietnamese Declaration of Independence after ours, and copied much of it, word for word. (This one of the many things they don’t tell you in school.) This document should be respected, yet it is often used by godadsuckers as a license to be an asshole.)

The next stops on my tour of the backwaters of America are Pittsfield and North Adams, MA. I’ll probably go in November. Hopefully gas prices will go down by then, and there will be less traffic. The next stop after that is Wheeling, WV.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

I know…

It’s not easy to support Obama. It’s sort of like drinking down the harsh laxatives they give you before a colonoscopy.

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Michael Phelps, it’s something about him that really bothers me…

Okay, this is going to bother a lot of people, because you’re not supposed to say anything bad about sports gods, but let’s face it, Michael Phelps has an annoyingly small head. He looks like he comes from a race of small-headed space aliens.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Hey, Mensa, you’re fuckin’ retarded

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I am quoting from this URL of the Mensa website:
“There are Mensans for whom Mensa provides a sense of family, and others for whom it is a casual social activity.”
This is one of the most fucked grammatical constructions my poor 95 IQ brain has ever encountered.

It’s easier to analyze this convoluted sentence if the “for” prepositions are placed at the end of the relative clauses, where they would normally appear in informal speech:
There are Mensans whom Mensa provides a sense of family for, and others whom it is a casual social activity for.
I have highlighted the two relative clauses. Now that I have identified the relative clauses, I can pluck them out of the sentence without harming the structure of the sentence. Removing the relative clauses reveals that this is an incomplete sentence:
There are Mensans, and others.
Since “and” is preceded by a comma, it indicates that it is a coordinating conjunction.

The clause after the coordinating conjunction has no verb, only the subject “others.” In addition, “others” refers to non-Mensans, which is not what these einsteins intended.

There are significant problems with the writing on the Mensa website. I fear the day when the Mensans breed a super race of people with high IQs. The linguistic atrocities committed by this race of intellectual giants will surely bring about a language apocalypse.

(Original Mensa source.)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Weapons Grade Odor

I found this last year on a hater blog called URBAN INFIDEL. The blog post title really made me laugh: “Occupy Wall Street Revisited - Zucotti Square: Bio-Hazard Colony Emits Weapons Grade Odor.”

The blog post details how disgusting and dirty and horrible the Occupy protesters are:

“Wandering carefully through the thick of things, which I can only liken to a jungle of pure filth, there was the definite sense that one could contract a number of contagious and very unpleasant sicknesses.”

I was willing to risk the disease and death, as I was interested in having sex with beer chugging peroxide blonds who walked around in their bras and made left leaning signs…

…as well as chicken legged hippies whose clothing style vaguely reminded me of Cyndi Lauper and Madonna:

smelly+002.jpg (480×640)

So I hopped on a BoltBus from Boston and went down to Zucotti Square in order to witness these unkempt middle class revolutionaries and, hopefully, get laid.

At Zucotti Square I managed to find some protesters who were willing to have group sex with me in a local hotel.

They did seem a little diseased, but I wore a condom. The sex wasn’t too great. They kept trying to bite me, and I’m just not into the whole S&M thing.

Zombie photo above taken from this blog post.

Ron Palillo, dead at 63

"Welcome Back, Kotter" fans are mourning the loss of Ron Palillo, who<a href='http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/14/showbiz/obit-palillo/index.html' target='_blank'> died</a> of a heart attack Tuesday at 63. As Arnold Horshack, one of the "Sweathogs," on the ABC series, Palillo was beloved by viewers for his unique laugh and "Oooh! Oooh!" catchphrase.

Good Christ, I remember watching Ron Palillo (“Horshack”) live in the 5th grade … he was young then … and it wasn’t too long ago … and now he’s dead. Time is a bastard motherfucker.

They’re not saying what he died of … yet. I know he turned to God because he couldn’t find a gig after "Welcome Back, Kotter." I’m sure he had a miserable life. His poor costar Robert Hegyes (“Epstein”) died young too.

Victory through beer

There’s an interesting article in the Washington Post about how Obama is using beer to appeal to idiotic swing voters, buying people rounds at campaign stops -- he even brews his own beer at the White House. Romney of course cannot look like the cool beer drinking guy that Obama is, as he is a Mormon. 

There’s something very cheap and petty about Obama’s beer strategy. It’s something that Homer Simpson would do if he were running for president.

Beer gives me insomnia, depression, and acid reflux. It also makes me fat. I spend almost as much on beer as I do on food. I’m considering brewing my own beer as a cost cutting measure, but know that this plan will probably fail, as it will leave me with a shitload of beer after a batch, and if there is beer in the house, I generally drink the fuck out of it.

I wish Obama, instead of promoting the coolness of beer, concentrated on promoting jobs with a living wage for everyone who wants to work, so people like myself wouldn’t have to medicate themselves with beer in order to deal with the existential horror of their existence.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Far Cry, a good stupid action movie

Til Schweiger deftly handles the role of Jack Carver, your typical action movie former special forces guy turned alcoholic whale watch boat captain who doesn’t like to shave.

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Movie title: Far Cry

Rating: 7/10

Pace: 9/10

Movie classification: Action & Adventure, Science Fiction

Year: 2008

Length: 94 minutes

Language: English

Country: Germany

Directed by: Uwe Boll

Written by: Michael Roesch, Peter Scheerer

Acted by: Natalia Avelon, Chris Coppola, Udo Kier, Ralf Moeller, Til Schweiger, Emmanuelle Vaugier

Synopsis:

Former special forces guy, Jack, turned heavy drinking whale watch boat operator agrees to take Valerie, an investigative reporter, to an off limits island in search of her brother, whom she has lost contact with. Valerie's brother has been surgically altered by Dr. Lucas Krieger into a zombie-like super soldier. The island is a testing ground for super soldier development.

Evaluation:

Uwe Boll, the director of Far Cry, contrary to internet group-think, is a very good director. Anyone who has seen Boll's other film, Rampage, and believes that Boll is a bad director, has his or her head up his or her ass.

Far Cry is adapted from a video game. There is a great deal of bitching and moaning about how Far Cry the video game fails to live up to Far Cry the movie. How the video game measures up to this movie is irrelevant. Far Cry the movie is a good, stupid action flick. That's all it is -- that's all it wants to be. Unlike other movies in this genre, Far Cry is smart enough to spare us the melodramatic details of why Jack quit the special forces to become a drunkard whale-watch captain. We don't give a shit. We want to see Jack dodge RPG's and kill bad guys in order to save his love interest, Valerie. We want to see Jack sex it up with Valerie. (Actually, unfortunately, we don't get to see nearly enough of this.) We want to see the greedy Dr. Krieger's evil and exotically beautiful military commander, Katia, kick everyone's ass. We don't care how stupid or recycled the plot is, because it never gets bogged down. Also, this movie has excellent comic relief, supplied by the island's food delivery guy, Emillio, played by Chris Coppola. We don't see Emillio until near the end; I wish we had seen more of him.

Photos:

Shown below with a gun to his head, the great German actor, Udo Kier, plays the mad scientist, Dr. Krieger. (I’m not being sarcastic about Udo Kier being a great actor.)

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Emmanuelle Vaugier (left) plays Valerie, the girl-next-door reporter. Natalia Avelon (right) plays the evil superhottie martial arts expert, Katia Chernov. If you like women, you will wish that you were one of the men she kung fu’s to death.

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And not only does Far Cry give us an eyeful of cleavage baring superhottie, it also gives us the zombie supersoldiers that sophisticated audiences demand.

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Comic relief is expertly provided by Chris Coppola, who plays Emillio

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Monday, August 13, 2012

Failing the CELTA, and the linguistic atrocities of those who pass

(Eszter Baumann, the demon who was my CELTA trainer. She’s much scarier in real life.)

eszter-baumann

Quote from an asshole in this forum:

“I am so glad that I didn´t read any of the negative feedbacks prior to taking my CELTA course. Fortunately I passed the course but had I read these comments before taking the course I would be scared to death and probably fail due to the unneccessary stress and pressure. Granted it was a very diffuclt one month and I spent many sleapless nights preparing TP´s and LP¨s and I had zero teaching experience but to those who are about to take their CELTA, do yourself the favor and dont get disscuraged by these feedbacks. Just keep in mind that it is only for one month and take one day at a time. Dont worry about the next LP. Just concentrate on the one you have a head and be present. What made it easier on me was that I made sure to get help from the other students in my group and got their opinion and had them proofread my papers before turning them in. Because ones you have turned them in it is to late to make any changes. Also if you are like I was and are scared or get very nervous to speak infront of people, talk with your doctor about prescribing you a medicine for it. I was taking Inderal 10mg (2 sometimes 3 pills)about 2 hours prior to my 45 minutes LP and it helped me to be concentrated and focuse on the lesson which I was giving.

I attended in July 2010 a extremely good school and with extremely good and qualified tutors which were very helpful and encouraging and we all always felt “safe” with them. Robin and Elif which were our two tutors at Britishside in Istanbul, Turkey are two of the finest tutors you can ever have and we were lucky to have them. Sure they were harsh on giving us negative feedbacks but in the end they always encoureaged us to do better and that I connect to their dedication and love for their job. Trust me it helps to take the negative feedbacks if you know that the intention of your tutor is only good and they want your best. I advice you to attend the Britishside in Istanbul, Turkey if you want to get a good experience while taking your CELTA. Good luck!

:) from one happy girl that passed :)

My response:

Quoting from Rose ( post #133).

"I am so glad that I didn´t read any of the negative feedbacks prior to taking my CELTA course."

You can't read "feedbacks," because there's no such word. It's a noncount noun. You don't fully understand nouns, noun phrases, punctuation, aspect, and tense. And you spell like shit! Your writing is a linguistic atrocity. Your trainers at the center in Istanbul should be arrested for impersonating teachers. The jokers at Cambridge ESOL (who know this nonsense goes on) should be arrested for certifying that you can teach English. It’s like certifying a butcher to be a surgeon.

Most of the people in my CELTA class in Budapest knew English about as well as you do, Rose. The trainers didn't understand English too well either. They all got away with murdering the English language. Even the native speakers got away with murder. When my classmates made egregious errors during their teaching practice, which were dutifully reproduced by the victims who paid for these lessons, did the trainers at IH Budapest tell these paying students at any point that they had been given incorrect information? Of course not. The trainers never corrected grammatical and stylistic errors committed by CELTA candidates, but if a candidate dared to deviate in any way from the CELTA formula, which CELTA trainers believe was handed down to Moses by God on Mount Sinai, he or she felt the oppressive heat of hellfire.

It is so easy to fail a CELTA course. You can be passing the first half, and then be given a trainer for the second half who doesn't like you. It is so easy for this trainer to sabotage you by forcing you to use overly complicated test questions and overly complicated lessons. If you appeal to Cambridge, these low-life scum will blame you for using the "rather complicated material" that was forced upon you by your saboteur, even if you have hard evidence that this material, which you are blamed for, was assigned to you.

They can do whatever the hell they please at Cambridge, because they're Cambridge. It's not about education. It’s not about excellence. It's about not rocking the boat and burying the mistakes made by trainers and assessors. I am willing to gamble that a CELTA candidate has never had a successful appeal of a grade. You can't win against Cambridge. Don't even try. And there is nothing on earth that can be done to change the system, because Cambridge doesn't care what you think, and employers don't care, because they're interested in nice cheap warm bodies who know the CELTA teaching formula. Don’t be so happy you passed, happy girl. You have no business teaching English.

And don’t bother taking drugs to get you through your teaching practice, as Rose suggests. You could be hooked up to an IV attached to bag of heroin during a teaching practice, and it wouldn’t make the slightest dent if you are faced with a trainer who doesn’t like you and is actively trying to subvert your efforts to pass the course. If a trainer wants you to go down, you’re going down, hard! If your trainers like you, you’ll pass, no matter how badly you fuck up. You don’t need drugs! Your trainer will even make you feel at home and use your (non-English) native language to talk to you during class if she likes you.

The CELTA is not a teacher training program. It is an illiteracy factory run by poorly educated staff members who are abusive and drunk with power.

The only Kennedy I hate.

“And I realized, as time went on, that I wasn't a Bush conservative. I was really a libertarian.” -–Kennedy, former MTV VJ.

I realized over time that I don’t just hate Kennedy and her backward-ass, fuck-you politics, but that I despise her. Vocal young assholes like Kennedy made the scourge of Reagan and Reaganism possible. Why don’t these assholes take their copies of their russkie wackjob god, Ayn Rand, and jam it up their tight fucking asses. Fuckers.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Are people who shop pricks, or is this a new thing?

Finally, I decided to brave the crowds yesterday for the Massachusetts sales tax holiday. I rarely ever shop on the weekends. I like to shop on off hours to avoid crowds.

I was in BJ’s, and what I could not get over was how, in BJs, there is all this space in the aisles, yet people drive their carts, sometimes with that God-awful car extension for their bastard brood (shown in the photo above), right in the middle of the fucking aisle. And no one looks behind. They are completely oblivious to the fact that other people also live in the universe, and that these other people might want to get by them as they debate over which five gallon bottle of olive oil to buy.

One scene that I think has been indelibly etched into my memory was the family at the far left aisle of the store where the tuna is. Their cart was right in the middle of the fucking aisle. A balding yet good-looking father was on the left of the wagon, hogging up all the floor space to the left, and his wife and two kids were hogging up the floor space on the right. The woman had enormous breasts. Even more impressive than her breasts was the sturdiness of her legs. While her legs were not unattractive, they were not the sexiest legs that a woman could have. They were not made for window dressing. They were made for climbing mountains and walking vast distances in search of food and water. This woman was a baby making machine. She could not only feed multiple offspring with her enormous breasts, she could, with her sturdy legs, find the calories necessary to keep her babies alive and her making more babies. She was an evolutionary powerhouse.

I understand that there is a pecking order. There are winners, and they get the pleasure rewards of victory. They realize that pleasure is not an unlimited resource, and they want it all. That is the natural order of things. I understand that. What bothers me is that it is not enough for these assholes to marginalize the losers in order to get jobs that pay a living wage, have sex, reproduce, and hog up all the housing. They must also hog up ALL THE FUCKING FLOOR SPACE. There is nothing that these assholes won’t take away from the loser, and they’re not even doing it deliberately. They don’t decide to be selfish. They behave like assholes because they are assholes. It is in their nature. It is probably written in their fucking DNA.

There is another thing that I’ve noticed. People who are in their 50’s and 60’s now think it’s okay to knock their carriage into you while you’re waiting in the checkout line. Last week I was waiting in line in Walmart, and some asshole brushed his carriage against what I was holding. It happened a second time. I was getting really angry. I stuck something that I was carrying out a foot to block the carriage. If it happened again, I was going to seriously wig. I really wasn’t sure if this guy was doing this intentionally or not. In BJ’s yesterday, a woman kept inching her wagon precariously close to my ass. I watched her like a hawk. You gotta watch your back. It’s an animal factory, and there are women with enormous breasts and sturdy legs perpetually breeding more animals. It is sort of like the queen in the movie Aliens, only not as grotesque.

Friday, August 10, 2012

I don’t want to support the troops…

I don’t want to buy Goodyear tires if Goodyear contributes even a penny to support overweight assholes who wear combat fatigues and dress their asshole babies in combat fatigues.

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Another, in a long line of out-of-control MBTA bus drivers

 

Aftermath of Kenmore crash involving T driver Lataria Milton (below).

Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority (MBTA) bus driver, Lataria Milton (above) was arrested recently after running over a meter maid, who has been hospitalized. It is alleged that the meter maid wanted Ms. Milton to move her bus from where she had illegally parked it. Ms. Milton did not want to move the bus, as she was eating her lunch inside of it. Ms. Lateria also smashed her bus into a number of cars. (Original story.)

The aftermath of the crash involving bus driver Lataria Milton.

Does this story sound familiar? This sort of thing happens all the time in Boston. Now I’m glad that I didn’t get out of my car the last time I was being harassed by a malicious bus driver. The bus driver probably would have run me over or smashed into my car with his or bus.

These people are sociopathic, dangerous, and out of control. I don’t know where the MBTA gets people like this. Are they on work furlough from local prisons?

I have been waiting many years for my job lottery ticket to come up with the MBTA. I am not psycho enough to want to drive one of their buses or trains – I just want to be a rail yard laborer so that I can work really slowly and be paid $17.75 an hour with full bennies. I don’t think that even if my lottery ticket came up, I’d be belligerent and homicidal enough for them to want to hire me.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Vote white, moron

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Romney said this in a speech in Des Moines recently:

“People who receive payments from the government are going to be required to do work, not as a punitive measure but as a gift. Work is enhancing; work is elevating.”

Romney never worked a day in his life -- not real work that makes one toil and sweat for wages that are so low that it is unreal.  Romney never needed to work. He inherited his money from his rich daddy, who was Governor of Michigan. What the fuck would Mitt Romney know about the virtues of work?

Romney is just trying to stir your juices up, uneducated and angry white male, because he knows that welfare is the racial hot button that might get your inbred white ass to vote for him. Romney has nothing else to offer but tax cuts for the wealthy, which has only made you a lot poorer during the last thirty years and is the cause of the debt that he incessantly bitches and moans about and blames Obama for.

Romney knows you’re a fucking moron, and he’s going to pull your strings, because he knows he can, because he’s a slimy, gonadsucker asshole.

Do your duty, angry white. Put down those bastard welfare mothers, which your little peabrain thinks are all black. They ain’t working hard enough. They ain’t being punished enough. That’ll solve the problem.

You’re a moron. Do your duty. Vote white!

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Michael J. Phillips, worst poet on earth.

It hasn’t been an easy life for Michael J. Phillips, self-published poet, worst poet on earth, and founder of Bukowski.net, but he keeps trying…
A young Michael J. Phillips being taught by his father how to shoot random pedestrians.
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After watching Paul Morissey’s Trash in 1972, Michael J. Phillips sought to emulate his hero in this movie, Joe Smith, played by Joe Dallesandro, by becoming a prostitute in New York City. Michael J. Phillips offered sexual services to over three million men and over three extremely obese women.
SVE02
After reading Junky by William S. Burroughs, Phillips decided to go to the Amazon jungle in search of the drug yage, which Burroughs documented his experiences with in Junky. Unfortunately for Phillips, a hallucinogenic yage trip left him believing that he was Bob Marley, and he continued to believe that he was Bob Marley for the next 20 years, giving praise to Jah and smoking a pound of ganja a day. The influence of Bob Marley’s Jewish father made him kvetch a lot too.
1987
In order to support his ganja habit, Michael J. Phillips performed numerous reggae concerts at numerous Bar-Mitzvahs and gave discount fellatio to over six million more men.
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Michael J. Phillips having a genital wart below his ear removed by his live-in companion and retired pornographic actor, Jack Hammer.
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Michael J. Phillips continues to believe that he can write poetry. He lives in the Netherlands, near Frank Serpico.
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Everything that I have said in this blog post about Michael J. Phillips is fiction, with exception to the fact that he is the worst poet on earth. Don’t believe me? Go to mjp books and sample his God-awful, pathetic, Bukowski derivative poetry. What a sad disgrace to the human race MJP is. Please, for the love of God, stop writing poetry, MJP!

Saturday, August 04, 2012

Unfortunately, it’s “Forward,” not “Further.”

Look at the young, blond woman in the right hand corner of the photo below. She’s holding an Obama “Forward” sign. I was not aware of Obama’s new slogan.

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It reminds me of Ken Kesey’s “Further” slogan. I like Kessy’s slogan better.

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Come on, Angelina Jolie. Give that leash a tug


Yeah, my mom wrote it. What about it?!

No, I’m not kidding. Brad Pitt’s mother is publicly supporting Romney. I got the story here. Here’s what Pitt’s mother wrote about Romney:

"I think any Christian should spend much time in prayer before refusing to vote for a family man with high morals, business experience, who is against abortion, and shares Christian conviction concerning homosexuality just because he is a Mormon…"

"Any Christian who does not vote or writes in a name is casting a vote for Romney’s opponent, Barack Hussein Obama — a man who sat in Jeremiah Wright’s church for years, did not hold a public ceremony to mark the National Day of Prayer, and is a liberal who supports the killing of unborn babies and same-sex marriage.

"I hope all Christians give their vote prayerful consideration because voting is a sacred privilege and a serious responsibility."

Come on, Angelina Jolie. You got to step up to the plate and tell Brad to expose his mother for the nut job that she is. Brad’s gotta start talking about Romney’s “high morals,” which include bullying and cutting off the hair of his gay schoolmates. Would Jesus do this? I think not! A nice Jewish boy like Jesus would never do anything like that.

Larger view

Brad’s gotta cut through the crap. He’s gotta start talking about how Obamacare was invented by Romney while he was the governor of Massachusetts, well before Obama became president.

Romneycare is actually helping a lot of the working poor in Massachusetts, who work harder than most people and are not paid a living wage, to obtain health insurance. Romney should be proud of this accomplishment and take credit for it, instead of attempting to bury it.

There’s also the issue of Romney telling voters in Massachusetts in 2002 that he was for a woman’s right to choose. I remember. I watched him say this live, during a debate. How come Romney is anti-choice now? What’s the deal here?

Come on, Angelina. We all know that you have that man of yours on a leash. Let’s see some action. Your asshole father, Jon Voight, has come out in support of Romney too. You can think of this as a way of sticking it to the old man.

You used to kiss your bother on the lips in public, Angelina. It was not easy for me to watch this, but I knew that you were doing this to show the world that you were a rebel and a badass. I know you have what it takes to make this right.

Friday, August 03, 2012

Jenna Jameson flips bird to poor



Former porn actress Jenna Jameson endorses Romney, saying "I'm very looking forward to a Republican being back in office."

I guess she feels she has been fucked enough at work, and it’s time for the poor to get even more fucked.

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Teaching House Barcelona CELTA Part 2: “Do people fail?”


Today we look at more of the linguistic atrocities committed by Teaching House Barcelona. Teaching House Barcelona gives CELTA courses. You can see more TH Barcelona linguistic atrocities in Part 1.

(The quoted text, taken from Teaching House Barcelona, is in red. Here is the original source.)

“Hard work to complete course work and learn concepts, as well as stress and time management, are all vital skills to ensure students' success.”
  • “Hard work to complete course work and learn concepts?” This construction may make sense to someone who lives in some distant galaxy. It makes no sense on earth.
  • “[W]ork” and “stress” are not “skills.”
  • The infinitive phrase “to ensure students’ success” is inappropriate. A relative clause should be used instead.
  • “Hard work,” “stress,” and “time management,” don’t “ensure students’ success.” These people don’t understand what the word “ensure” means.
“If a trainee is in risk of failing the course, we provide early warning and a very clear outline of what the candidate needs to do to improve their teaching and obtain a pass grade.”
  • “[I]n risk of failing” is inappropriate. “In danger of failing” can be used.
  • Missing preposition before “early.”
  • “[C]andidate” is a singular noun. “[T]heir” is a plural pronoun. This is an agreement error. Good job, TH Barcelona. Good job, Cambridge ESOL, for letting these assholes teach people how to teach English.