When I started blogging at Fast Cupid around October of last year I took the place by storm. I was the darling of the Fast Cupid blog scene. Why? Because I knew that if Jack Kerouac were alive today he would be a blogger. I understand that blogging is an art form -- a spontaneous art form. Instead of taking hundreds and thousands of hours to formulate your words as in traditional prose, in blogging you slap your words together in a cathartic emotional outburst. The result, if done correctly, is something, imperfect, sometimes ugly, yet really real. I don't think the Fast Cupid people had ever seen anything like me. I've never seen anyone blog like me, though there was one person there who was a better blogger. Her genius went largely unrecognized for some reason which I cannot understand.
My heady days of blog super stardom came to an abrupt ending when I posted Dr Hebe's Photo Advice For Women. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that telling women to not lick things in their dating profile photos would make me a horrible and evil misogynist overnight. Just two weeks earlier, women cheered me when I wrote Dr. Hebe's Sex Advice for Men. I was their hero. (But, ironically, this post actually was an attack on men, and the photo advice for women was not an attack on women -- they really were just photo tips.) But now I was a shit. And it was okay to libel me, because I was an evil doer.
Around the beginning of the year the Fast Cupid people had a blog party. I wasn't invited, though I saw photos of these people congregating on Face Book. One night when I was drunk and mad, I deleted half of my Face Book friends in a paranoid rage. All were Fast Cupid friends. There was some logic to the people I deleted but not a lot. Only one person I regretted deleting, but then again I don't because her boyfriend led the defamation charge against me and although she never did anything to hurt me, she slept with the enemy.
I knew there was a second blog meeting planned in the near future, and that I wasn't invited. I had successfully managed to suppress the feelings of anger, injustice and neglect. But when LA Woman asked me in a letter whether I was invited, it sent me off the deep end. I wasn't even that angry. Just very hurt.
I am considering de-friending all of my remaining Facebook friends from Fast Cupid. Some of them I'm fond of but I do not consider any of them good friends. It will hurt me to see photos of them attending this event. Even the ones who are not in proximity of New York and cannot attend, it will hurt me knowing that they are friends of the people who did not invite me. I am concerned about being perceived as rude and hurtful, but I have to worry about my own ass and protect myself. Much of my problems in life stem from the fact that I have been too nice. I still need to consider this, but my thinking is that I don't think I owe the collective Fast Cupid blog community anything. Of course I will never de-friend LA Woman. Technically I did not meet her through the Fast Cupid blog community. We had contacted each other at Fast Cupid, before I started blogging there.
I can only remember one occasion in my life when I was invited to an in-group activity. I have decided to never accept an invitation to an in-group activity, because I object to them on philosophical and ethical grounds. I'm fairly certain that no good can ever come out of an in-group.
5 comments:
I think I perceived you as rejecting first--after you were attacked and decided to leave, and your criticisms stung a bit--who would know you even cared?
Such is clique life--we all revert to the kids we were in high school.
I think you should not write off those who friended you--its just high school talking.
And relationships are not about control and you must face this fact--you are not perfect and are capable of monstrous meanness without knowing it, as we all are.
We don't have that distance from ourselves to know, until a moment of parity happens--hubris begets hubris. If you know what I mean.Or maybe they are awful and you're angelic.
You say this in a post that references Jack Kerouac?
Read this: "I'm fairly certain that no good can ever come out of an in-group."
What do you call The Beat Generation. There were seven of them. Ten by some people's count. It was as in an in-group as you can find.
-- Coget
This is what I hate about blogspot. It's the fucking anonymous drive-byes. I suspect someone found this place through my blog box on Face Book and you are a Fast Cupid person or perhaps a Sumo person. Whatever. There is probably a link to this blog post out there somewhere and you are all wigging out about how evil I am because I dared criticize your little club. You have your little club. Be fucking grateful and kindly do not piss on my turf. Contrary to what you might think, I didn't put the blog box up for your benefit but for one of my non-Fast Cupid friends on Facebook who requested it because she likes my writing. I don't usually like to debate with people I cannot identify, but this talk of "monstrous meanness" is such fucking shit that I have to say something. I quoted verbatim my blog posts. I dare anyone to quote anything that I've ever said on the Fast Cupid site that would constitute as "monstrous meanness". Monstrous meanness? Are you out of your goddamned mind? Go ahead. Show me the monstrous meanness. I challenge you. Go ahead. Show me the money! There might be some more huffing and puffing, and I will let them huff and puff until they're blue in the face, but mark my words -- NOBODY IS GOING TO SHOW YOU THE MONEY!
This makes me sad. I have been missing you and come looking for you only to find you de-friended me. That somehow, oddly I was perceived as some part of a group that treated you poorly.
I wish anonymous' comment hadn't left such a bad taste in your mouth. When I read it, it seemed genuine to me. Simply that we all come from an inner broken place and we all have a hard time seeing it.
Anyway, I've always trusted that there was humor behind your cynic. Maybe I just say that because there is humor in front of my cynic. Maybe all I can do is see the world through my eyes.
Hi Taarnagh, welcome to my little bat cave at blogspot. The advantage of this place is that I don't have to worry about women I date knowing more than they need to know about me, but this place is great for inducing paranoia and madness as people can and do come by occasionally, and anonymously take shots at me.
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