The 6 Step Online Dating Formula

I had a big run over the past two months. Went out on more dates than ever in my whole life times ten. Most of these were OKC women. But some were FC women. Now everything's slowing down, partly because I'm running out of warm bodies, partly because I just don't give a shit and am losing my will to do this.

In the bad old days of online dating, when I still had most of my hair, nice girly skin, and didn't have Irritable Bowel System I would never write women, just waited for them to write me. Sometimes this took months. And we would exchange thousands of words before I even asked them out on a date. And very often they would say, "Oh, I wish you didn't bring that up." And then we would exchange enough e-mail to easily create a novella, and then I would get frustrated and just stop e-mailing. And only then would they agree to talk to me over the phone. And then after we have exchanged tens of thousands of words (some of it very good writing by the way), our entire relationship dies with one phone call. I was young and naive. I didn't realize that these women were insane and didn't really want to be in relationships.

Quite by accident I stumbled upon the concept that I didn't need to attempt to warm women up through e-mail, which is a huge waste of time, where no valuable information is really learned. Furthermore, I didn't even have to talk to them over the telephone. This is wonderful for me because the "phone interview" instills in me a stark terror. Also, when soliciting women, I did not need to really take the time to give them a reasonably adequate response to their profile. All I needed to do was look at their photo, say yay or nay, take a cursory look at their profile, and say a few sentences, often silly and stupid. You don't really respond to the their profile, you say something flirtatious. If you take the time to really address their profiles it does not work. Probably they take it as a sign of your being needy. And, why should I take a lot of time to really write a woman when I'm competing with a thousand men? These women are not going to take the time to personally reject me. And if they do, it's going to be boilerplate, which is even worse than not being written back to. So I reduced online dating to the following formula.

1.) Take a cursory look at their profile.

2.) Write them them saying something short and stupid but flirtatious. Always give them your first name at the end.

3.) They respond back saying something short and stupid but flirtatious, sometimes asking questions. (If they don't give you their name, they're long shots, so don't exert too much energy on them, but continue to pursue.)

4.) Candidly and courteously address their questions, but do so tersely. Do not engage them them. Ask them if they would you like to have coffee.

5.) If they reply back, they will sometimes agree to the coffee and sometimes have more questions. Again, answer their questions, but don't engage them. Often they will want to talk to you over the phone or e-mail you more. Never ever agree to this. If they say they want to e-mail you more, than you have no hope of ever meeting these women, especially if they still haven't given you their name. (You should abort these women, but for some odd reason, I still give it the old college try, though it never ever produces results.) If they say they want to phone you, very politely say that you are bad over the phone and impress upon them how fun it will be to meet in person. Here is the pivotal part of this step: Ask them to select a time and place to meet for coffee. This gives them the power and control. And gives you power and control because they now have no good excuse not to meet you.

6.) Assuming you've made it past step 5, give them your cell phone number. They will often give them yours at this point, but never directly ask for this. It's a done deal.

There you go. Six step formula to online dating. Probably works for selling used cars as well. My formula is however defective because more steps should be added. I should engage women in more bullshit e-mail dialog to show them how interested I am in them, and I'm sure I lose lot of woman because of my reluctance to do this. But I refuse to play this game. I refuse to feign interest.

It's not that I'm a cold-hearted person that has no interest in women. During my big run I have met many fascinating women on dates, and learned stuff about the world that I never knew. It has really expanded my horizons. I actually like meeting new people. I'm just opposed to the bullshit process of screening. I think it's really pure shit without any scientific basis whatsoever.