I took the (MassPike) Massachusetts Turnpike to Interstate 395 to Mohegan Sun. The MassPicke is a major highway. The irony is that i395 is a pissy little two lane highway. Could you image all the time and aggravation spent avoiding i395, all the fear involved in the thought of accidently getting on this road when I would take alternative routes. It was three and four lane highways that gave me major panic, not two lane highways.
I ate the MassPike and i395 for breakfast today. Tears came to my eyes while I was driving because I realized that I was not as fucking hopeless as I thought I was. I had to stop the emotional outburst, as I needed to be able to see the road.
Maybe, I thought, other things were possible. Maybe I didn’t have to be a pool boy and/or a lifeguard and/or a Walmart worker. Maybe I didn’t have to listen to the negative of people like Heather or my father, who told me that I couldn’t do certain things. I begin to seriously think about going overseas again. Maybe if I can drive out of state on the interstate and also obtain a CPR/AED certificate – maybe I can do more. Maybe I can take the EFL course run by the EFL fascists in Hungary or Boston. Maybe if I can do that I can carve out an existence somewhere in China or Vietnam or some other God-awful place. It will suck major cock, but maybe it will be lesser cock than my bleak future as a member of the working poor here.
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