I had originally planned to touch your hearts so deeply with my sad story of poverty and broken heart that you will cry for me for hours. I had planned to sell this heart-wrenching story and make thousands with it, perhaps as a Lifetime Original Movie, but I decided in the end to just take it like a man and tell you like a man. (Lifetime wasn't interested in the story.)
I'm tired of living up to economic expectations of the educated women I find on these online personals. I'm tired of not-very-attractive, needy women who don't have any economic expectations. They don't want me. They want what I represent, which is an end to their loneliness. Maybe there is a middle ground out there somewhere. I don't know. But I'm tired of looking for it. I'm just sick with exhaustion. I keep putting this off, hoping that a miracle will happen so that I won't have to make this plunge into the seedy streets of the romantic underworld, but I've decided to sell out provided that my Sunday date goes poorly.
My Craig's List listing below, which has yet to be posted, is self-explanatory. This will be posted in the Casual Encounters section of CL. Everything about it is true with exception to the fact that I am looking for a casual encounter. In truth this is not what I want at all. I want a life partner. It will probably be the least obscene Casual Encounters ad on CL in the history of mankind. Most male Casual Encounter ads start with something like, "Need blowjob bad." And if there are photos, they are usually photos of garish looking penises. I will include my real photos, and a head shot. And no naked photos! Believe it or not, my primary motive for doing this is not sex but a deep longing for intimacy, even if it is a mere morsel. I have very low expectations for this. Nobody on CL -- whether it be Casual Encounters or the Romantic Relationships section appears to be fully sane.
I'm a 43 year old, intelligent, educated, progressive, and easy-going straight man. I am seeking a female FWB (Friend With Benefits.). My photos are taken within the last six months. Am 5'10. Weigh 180 pounds. A little bit of a beer belly, but other than that, look pretty good for my age.
I enjoy independent and foreign films, Asian food, deep discussions as well as very shallow ones. I watch the Red Sox but wish I was enjoying time with a woman instead, or at least watching the Red Sox with them. I am single. You don't have to be single, but you must be in an "open" relationship. I do not approve of cheating and will absolutely not be a party to this! I can host, but again, you should not have to be sneaking around in order to see me. While I am very sensual, I am not into anything remotely kinky or weird. I am disease free and practice safe sex. The same should be true of you! I don't do drugs, but don't care if you're a recreational user. I don't want needy women.
I am a very tolerant person, except when it comes to bigots. If you harbor hatred towards people because of race, religion, or sexual preference, then please do not respond.
I will need clear photos of you, taken at least within the last year. Preferably a head shot and a full body shot. Aesthetics matter more to me than age. Race or religion is irrelevant.
Women on CL tend to express a strong desire to be licked. This is something I have not been fortunate enough to do in this century. But one thing I left out of my CL ad is, "If any woman who solicits me on CL thinks I'm going to lick them, they're out of their goddamn mind!"
4 comments:
Do women find exclamation marks a turn off?
Otherwise best of luck with this.
I was really looking for a follow up about the Canadian geese day. That was a really sweet post. You might enjoy spending time at a bird sanctuary. The chicks comments was sweet. I hope you find both types of chick when the time is right.
Glad you're posting here still because I'm not going to FC.
Who is this commenter? Is it Chris? If it is, he should realize that I am no longer friends with him and will never be friends with him. This being said, do you think I am using too many exclamation marks? And, why pay good money to go to a bird sanctuary when I could see real birds, in the wild, much closer to my house? My birding day was very eventual and could not talk about it without expending a lot of time on the blog. Maybe I'll do it later.
No, my name's not Chris
I'm a grad student in psychology at University of Michigan doing my dissertation on auto-eroticism and some keyword searches landed me on your blog quite a while ago. I breached objective study when I made my first comments a while back. During last summer your blog was quickly becoming a centerpiece of my research but then you stopped (or slowed down dramatically) and I hoped by giving you a little feedback I could get things rolling more. I hope you can understand. My apologies.
What did you stumble upon, the thing I did about masturbation techniques? That was a joke! I hope you realize that. Maybe you are Chris, may you aren't. You can't tell. It's the Internet. It doesn't matter. Anyone can comment here whether you are a psych grad student or you are Chris.
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