You’re poor. You’re grateful for Obama’s big boost in EBT (electronic food stamp) payments, but it doesn’t go far enough. You want more of your welfare state dollar to go towards gigantic bags of generic, salty-as-shit potato chips so that you could fuel your growing dependency on malt liquor. You don’t want to be hemorrhaging all that good potato chip money on overpriced condiments!
I typically shoot for five pound bags of rice, as well as five pound bags of pink beans for four dollars a bag. This is a megashitload of calories and protein and carbohydrate at next to nothing. It is however so bland that one cannot eat this stuff alone. One needs hot sauce. One needs to feel that good tingling burn on one’s lips as he eats his rice and beans. One can easily spend more than the cost of the rice and beans on commercial hot sauce. Generic hot sauces are not always a solution. Shaw’s generic hot sauce is not only not hot, but is very expensive.
I have the solution to all your problems, my impoverished, potato-chip-eating and overweight alcoholic brethren. Stop & Shop generic hot sauce, priced at two dollars on the nose, with a whopping 32 ounces of bottled fire. It will give you about as much oral fun as you can have in the absence of a woman or a cigarette.
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