What’s with the rice, man?

I make a lot of rice and beans these days. It’s cheap and proteiny.  All my life I’ve been cooking rice for 20 minutes, then I let it stand for five minutes. Comes out perfect every time. I had bought some Walmart rice. It was cheap, 1970’s cheap. It was probably grown and harvested by poor orphans in the poorest village in the poorest country on earth. The Walmart rice didn’t cook so well. It wasn’t soft and fluffy; it was downright crunchy. I blamed Walmart and the evils of republicanism for this shitty rice. Then, I found some good ol’ Carolina rice on sale at Stop & Shop. I had eaten, literally, a ton of this rice, and I had never had any problems with it. So I cooked it up, and it tasted crunchy like the Walmart rice. What the fuh?

Maybe there’s some logical explanation for this. There probably is, but maybe there isn’t. Maybe the universe is just fucking with my head, and this is some type of sadistic joke. I’m never entirely sure about these things these days.