The big swell

My left hand now looks like the type of hand I would see connected to the many chubby women whom I’ve dated. Something is wrong, really wrong.

Here is my right hand. It is veiny, tendony, one might even say … grotesque, but it is not the big bloated monster that the left hand is.

It started in the middle of the night. I woke with my left hand itching like a motherfucker, and I’m like, what the fahhh…? I looked at it in the mirror; it seemed okay.

In the morning the left hand is not nearly so itchy but all swelled up. Now I see the swelling is beginning to extend up my arm.

If it gets much worse I’ll go to the emergency room.

Some bastard bug probably bit me last night; it’s probably nothing.