Man, ape, and truck

The man and ape trucking duo was a very exciting concept for people in the 70’s. The 1978 breakout hit, Every Which Way But Loose, staring Clint Eastwood and an orangutan named Manis, which played Clyde, ushered in the short yet golden age of combing trucks with men who have ape companions. Every Which Way But Loose was following by the sequel, Any Which Way You Can.

Eager to cash in on the public’s burning appetite for truckers who have ape companions, NBC launched the television series B.J. and the Bear in 1978. B.J. and the Bear was about a trucker named B.J., played by Greg Evigan, and his chimpanzee companion, Bear.

Some argue that cinema and television have never fully recovered from loss of the popularity of the man, ape, and truck combination.

Metal Tornado, the film that people with too much time on their hands will be talking about for generations…

In Metal Tornado, 2011, Lou Diamond Phillips plays a scientist who doesn’t shave and has that really nasty gray stubble that the elderly get. Phillips has a beautiful scientist coworker, played by Nicole de Boer, an actress whom you’ve probably never seen before and probably will never see again.

Greg Evigan (below left) plays the project director in Metal Tornado. We tragic victims of 70’s television know Evigan as a trucker named B.J. who had a chimpanzee sidekick named Bear in a TV show called B.J. and the Bear.

The team of scientists attempt an experiment, downloading energy directly from the sun.

All does not go as planned. The download causes an electrical tornado, which roams through the countryside, sucking everything metal into it.

Half way through the movie, B.J. is still denying that the electrical tornado, which is ravaging the countryside and on the outskirts of Philadelphia, has anything to do with his project’s experiment to download energy from the sun. He’s going to go ahead with the company’s plans to download more energy from the sun from their French facility.

Of course, this is what happens…

They manage to destroy the electrical tornados by sending up drones that shoot EMP missiles into the tornados.

I had hoped that maybe Nicole de Boer, in the euphoric aftermath of the destruction of the metal tornados, would want to make love and take off as many clothes as one can take off in a made-for-TV movie. She did not, however, seem very interested in taking her clothes off.

You’re still evolving, assholes.

 

I read this from this source, and I thought, this is bullshit:

“For one thing, Jones says, with increasingly rare exceptions, survival in the West no longer depends on a person's genes. Advances in medicine and technology enable 98 percent or more of all babies born in the United States, Europe, or Japan, for example, to survive long enough to reproduce and pass on their DNA. In the past, natural selection would have weeded out the less reproductively fit, but no longer.”

I haven’t reproduced. I’ve been weeded. You’re still evolving into more sophisticated assholes, cocksuckers, and bullshitters. You will not have people like me whom you can so easily fuck with and destroy in the future. You will have pruned people like me out of existence. You’ll only have your scumbag, banal selves to contend with in the future. Congratulations. I hope your tenure on this earth as a species is short; you seem to be headed down the path of self-destruction, and I’m happy for this. I hope your children’s children will die in the parched future earth that your animalistic want and cocksuckerness is creating.

This is not just a big fuck you to you from a sore loser. This is a reality that you are faced with. Your asshole DNA may not propagate very far into the future.

MBTA hero memorial train rides the rails, yet there is no victim memorial train.

In Boston we now have the hero train riding through our suburbs. The hero train is a mobile memorial, honoring our fallen fighting men and women who have participated in our recent wars in Asia, where we Americans have killed and displaced hundreds of thousands of civilians, for no good reason. No one can coherently explain why we’re still in Afghanistan.

I would be willing to support the hero train if we also had a train that memorialized the hundreds of thousands of victims of our heroes.

None of our warriors who died in these wars were heroes. There’s nothing heroic about participating in a fabricated war of aggression. I suspect that most of our warriors were not enthusiastic supporters of this war, that they fought because they were ordered to, and were really victims themselves.

I don’t know who is paying for the hero train, but it might be the people riding the commuter rail. The hero train is however public property.

There is a time and place for everything, and if people want to honor the dead, they can do so privately in a private place. Even if one believes that these people are heroes, I really don’t think that slapping their name on a yellow star on a hero train really honors their memory. I find this whole concept to be tacky and undignified. It is as if we didn’t care enough to erect a real memorial, so we just painted a memorial on a train and then patted ourselves on the back for our patriotism.

Hey, FOXBusiness.com, you forgot something about Vikas Kapoor…

…he’s a slimy piece of shit.

The people at Vikas Kapoor’s call centers harassed me relentlessly for weeks. They identified themselves, only when asked, as Allied Interstate. They refused to give me their website address. They asked for personal information, including my credit card number. I did not give them a shred of personal information. I refused to even verify that the person whom they were asking for was I. This really irritated them. DON’T GIVE THOSE SLIMEY FUCKERS AN INCH!

They said that I owed money on a Capital One credit card. I called Capital One. Capital One told me that I was not in debt with them. Kapoor’s crew refused to stop harassing me. They never properly identified themselves.

I never owed anyone anything. The credit bureaus made an error. They called this a “system error.” Did anyone apologize? No. Kapoor gets praised not only by Fox Business, but by Wall Street for being the bottom-feeding, money-grubbing piece of shit that he is.

Kapoor seems to have a new gig now. He is a Trustee at Cooper Union.

“We interview people face to face to make sure we are not wasting our time with Craigslist psychos”

Unfortunately I lost the original ad. I responded to a Craigslist ad looking for sketch comedy writers. I wrote to them for more information about who they were and what they were planning. I was given a bunch of boilerplate nonsense that told me nothing and asked to rush out the next day to be interviewed in a very crowded train station in Boston called South Station. These people had better be pretty hot shit for me to pay $12 to take a train to South Station to be interviewed on some platform amidst the noise and chaos and loudspeakers of South Station. Irritated by a world full of Craigslist assholes who do not feel that they have to identify themselves and expect people to do all kinds of crazy shit, like being interviewed on the platform of the largest, most crowded train station in Boston, I gave them a not-so-polite response, not expecting them to respond back:

Hi Bobby,

You're not really giving me any real information, like whom I would be
writing for, who would be getting writing credit, what writing
credentials your group has, and what I would be writing for ... stage
... screen ... television ... youtube ... a student project? Also, I
am not an actor; I am a writer, so I'm not really sure what I'm being
interviewed for.

Dickie

I was surprised that they did respond:

Dickie-

Think "whitest kids u know" style sketches that will be posted on our website which will launch early fall 2012. You will get credit for any scripts you bring to the table or any pieces you play a significant role with. My experience is more with acting and the production side of things. Our head writer has a degree in creative writing and spent a semester writing for "the soup." We interview people face to face to make sure we are not wasting our time with Craigslist psychos or people who don't even have enough motivation to come and meet us. See it as a post- collegiate project we want to have some fun with. Our goal is to make people laugh. If that doesn't sound like your cup of tea then I wish you the best! If you're interested- email me back.
Bobby Bradbury
Bobbyx.Bradbury@gmail.com
443-834-9520

 

I did offer to be interviewed, but to do it proper:

 

Bobby,

Thank you for the information.
Look, I'm for real. Here is a sample of my work:
http://archive.org/download/dickie-richards-canadian-goose/canadian-goose.mp3
I may be a craigslist voyeur, but I assure you that I am not a
craigslist psycho.
Is anyone available on Thursday instead to interview me at South
Station, as I'm going to be seeing a doctor in the afternoon near
there. Otherwise, would it be possible to meet at a more
car-accessible and quieter location, maybe like a Starbucks in a
suburb.

Dickie

They responded as follows:

I'm sure we can work something out. Let me get through all of the interviews tomorrow and we'll set something up at a later date. I'll listen to the link you sent me tonight. Thank you!
Bobby Bradbury
Bobbyx.Bradbury@gmail.com
443-834-9520

I’m glad I didn’t agree to be interviewed at South Station on their terms. I was busy with something else. If I had rushed out to meet them and gotten jerked around, I would have been really irritated. It’s a pretty bad feeling to be jerked around by jokers. This has happened to me before. Maybe I am just an asshole with a bad attitude; I’m not sure.

Teaching House Boston: A better class of illiterate CELTA trainers

Here is the photo of Boston that Teaching House Boston shows on its web page. I come from Boston. Boston is not a beautiful city, but it is not ugly. I am somewhat awed by how ugly this school managed to make Boston look. I am not completely sure that this is Boston.



(The quoted text from Teaching House Boston is in red. Here is the original source.)

“Offered in Boston (in the heart of the historic district,) Teaching House's CELTA training course is hosted at Faneuil Hall…”

The comma should not be placed inside the parentheses.
There is this remarkable invention that tells people where to put things like commas. It’s called a style guide. Teaching House Boston might want to consider buying one.

They all hold a CELTA and either the DELTA (Diploma in English Language Teaching to Adults) and/or a Master’s degree in Education.”

They all hold certificates or degrees that one is supposed to be impressed by, but can they all use conjunctions? The above sentence uses a either…and/or correlative conjunction. Maybe this type of conjunction exists on planets in the far reaches of the galaxy, where the members of the staff of Teaching House Boston probably come from, but on earth, English does not have such a conjunction.

“The combination of our rigorous course standards and the accreditation provided by the University of Cambridge ensures that our teachers go on to obtain desirable teaching jobs whether they choose to teach English in the United States or teach English abroad.”

The authors do not understand what the word “ensure” means. There is absolutely no guarantee that course graduates will obtain “desirable teaching jobs.” The only thing that Teaching House Boston can ensure about its CELTA course is that students will be $2,500 poorer after they pay for the course.

Get the prestigious CELTA certificate in San Francisco and murder the English language

 
“Our English Language School in San Francisco have earned an enviable reputation for providing their program participants and graduates with a wide range of professional Job Guidance Services.” (Original source for this quote)

‘[E]nviable reputation?’ Maybe among the illiterate, English Language School San Francisco’s reputation is enviable.

The quote above has agreement problems. “School” is a singular noun, and it is being used with the verb “have.” You can’t do that! In addition, the pronoun standing in for singular “school” is plural “their.”

The teaching experts at English Language School San Francisco might also want to keep in mind that in the United States we have this thing called the serial comma. The teaching experts at this school might have heard about this comma; it’s all the rage. In fact, it’s fairly standard. Accordingly, the teaching experts at English Language School San Francisco might want to think about using this comma in their advertising, so they do not look like limey trained idiots being shipped in from overseas to teach a formulaic EFL training course to Americans at the bottom of the food chain.

Good job, English Language School San Francisco. Keep churning out those CELTA certified English language teaching experts! And good for you, Cambridge, for pissing on the legacy of Newton and Darwin and Hawking by letting these chuckleheads use your logo. Good job selling my language as if it were a cheap whore.

(This is a copy I made of the original source on July 21, 2012:
https://docs.google.com/open?id=1zcSSrFUYXhHgruVveLLyTJ4XK-5XGUYoj24Lxd-gZ2hi9W5BrEUGs7PtzTualLjCuyFgZkyxwXSpOv1R)

The big swell

My left hand now looks like the type of hand I would see connected to the many chubby women whom I’ve dated. Something is wrong, really wrong.

Here is my right hand. It is veiny, tendony, one might even say … grotesque, but it is not the big bloated monster that the left hand is.

It started in the middle of the night. I woke with my left hand itching like a motherfucker, and I’m like, what the fahhh…? I looked at it in the mirror; it seemed okay.

In the morning the left hand is not nearly so itchy but all swelled up. Now I see the swelling is beginning to extend up my arm.

If it gets much worse I’ll go to the emergency room.

Some bastard bug probably bit me last night; it’s probably nothing.

The hotel water scam

Apparently this scam has been around for some time, but I did not encounter it and (almost) fall victim to it until earlier this year.

This is what happens: You rent a hotel room. In my case I rented a hotel room at Two Trees Inn at Foxwoods, which is a pretty good hotel. The hotel leaves a bottle of water in your room. The bottle has a tag on it (shown above.) The mark thirstily drinks the water, not reading the fine print on the water bottle’s tag:

“This bottle of Aquafina is proved as a service to our guests. If consumed, $3.99 will be billed to your room. For your convenience, our staff will replenish daily.”

I had two free hotel stay at Foxwoods, so I was surprised when I got charged eight dollars when I checked out. The staff person curtly told me that this was for the water left in my room that I had drunk. Didn’t I read – or is the fine print too small for my aged eyes to see?

These water bottles are fat, and I could not easily fit them into a pocket, so I did not drink them. I had jammed them into my suitcase for later consumption. I was given a refund when I requested to return the bottles to them, but first there was a short interrogation:  “Are they opened?!”

The staffer seemed disappointed. What kind of person stuffs unopened water bottle into his suitcase? (The same type of person who brings an entire case of generic BJ’s water bottles to the hotel with him in case he gets thirsty, because he doesn’t want to drink the $3.00 water bottles from the hotel vending machines.)

It took me a few minutes to remove their waters from my suitcase, as I had locked the suitcase, and my key doesn’t fit the padlock very well, and one must really jiggle the key to get it to open. I probably made the staff very unhappy; I probably made the poor people behind me trying to check out very unhappy.

I stayed at Two Trees a few months later. As far as I know, they didn’t try the water scam. They did leave two puny but normal hotel-sized water bottles, marked generically as “Foxwoods.” This time, having the fear of God put into me by hotel scams, I did not dare drink the water. I didn’t even take home the pen.

I cannot say that the hotel water scam is good for customer relations. People don’t want to be on their guard for cons as they rest in a hotel room, especially when they are in a casino and probably giving money to the people who own the hotel.

As much as I was put off by Two Trees and would like to tell you to stay away from the scamming bastards, Two Trees is cleaner and better than the modestly priced hotels you will find in the Groton, Connecticut area. I have had some not-so-happy experiences with these hotels as well. At Foxwoods, Grand Pequot is the nicest hotel. Great Cedar, while more expensive than Two Trees and having the advantage of being connected to the casino, was a not-so-happy experience, as a lot of stuff didn’t work properly, such as lights and toilets that didn’t flush properly.

That new doctor feel

My new doctor (below)

Experienced internists have a shelf life of about two years. They always move on to where the money is. The last experienced doctor I had didn’t even move on to do doctoring; instead, she moved on to work as some consultant or advisor for cooperate America.

My new internist, who is fresh out of medical school, takes the time to check things out and to explain things to me. I recognized these qualities. I had seen this before. This is how a new doctor is. Experienced doctors are jaded. They don’t really investigate things. If they even bother to explain things to you, they blind you with science. Their attitude is, basically, “Ah, fuck it...”

Steve Oakes, author, and biggest joker on the planet

Here is Steve Oakes, the professional. He is the author of Speakout, a comprehensive six level general English course. He is also the Head of Teacher Training at the prestigious International House Budapest in the heart of beautiful Budapest.

Steve Oakes is an English speaking expert. Just give this smooth-talking son-of-a-bitch a listen:


Yet, Steve Oakes, professional English training guy, cannot write a fucking grammatical sentence:

https://sites.google.com/site/celtaexposed/steve-oakes

Good job, Steve Oakes. You have successfully hoodwinked just about everyone into believing that you are not the nervy, ignorant piece of shit that you really are.

Remember those days…

when Hillary Clinton was hot?

Good Christ, what type of bastard creator could make this dreamy young woman look like a mummified relative of Jabba the Hutt?

Roseanne Barr misses out on the Green Party's Vice-Presidential nomination

 

Booh, Jill Stein, Green Party presidential presumptive nominee, opted not to put Roseanne Barr on the ticket as VP.

I like Jill Stein a lot. She’s from Massachusetts and ran for governor once. As I remember, she also ran for some other big seat in Massachusetts. I voted for her for governor; she only got about 1% of the vote.

I think Stein would make a great president; however, this will never happen in this universe. People have to wake up and start living with the awful reality of this universe. Stein is a loser, and the only thing she is going to do is help elect Mitt Romney. Stein didn’t even make the sensible decision of putting Barr on the ticket; she thinks like a loser.

“I copied this from the internet”

Below is the blubbery jerk who copied and censored my shit, put it on his blog, and didn’t give me credit.

The blubbery jerk created this post and said he “copied this from the internet.”

http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/is-che-a-racist-well-actually-was-he/question-1465419/entry

And where did this cocksucker get his material from? It was from me! It is my fucking original, copyrighted material. Here is where it’s from:

http://bastarduniverse.blogspot.com/2005/02/che-guevara-racist-homophobe-and-anti.html

And not only did he copy it from me, the cocksucker censured my material for profanity. This makes me even angrier. The dirty cock!

I doubt if the cocksucker even knew where the material came from. Most of the assholes out there don’t know where my material comes from. There are literally hundreds of idiots reposting my quotes from The Motorcycle Diaries without any reference to where the fuck it came from. I have changed the worldwide dialog about Che, yet does anyone give me credit? Does anyone actually read my blog? No. I get unemployment, a right hand, astroglide, and fat fucking assholes who copy my shit.

It gets worse. Neo-nazis are now using my Che quotes to support their asshole, backward beliefs. Che changed later in life. HE WAS NOT A FUCKING FASCIST!

I have some reason to believe that Bill O’Reilly did a piece on Che Guevara, based on the materials in my blog post. I have not seen it; however, I’m sure the dickhead used my blog post in an attempt to show right-wing morons how hypocritical left-wingers are, as if some communist mercenary who died 50 years ago enters into the political consciousness of democrats.

Copyright-violator-blimpo-man says in his website that he’d like to meet God. If I met God, I’d kick the bastard in the nuts for creating a world of assholes.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell…

 

I didn’t fart. Really!

The end

I do not think that I will know what hit me when the end comes. I doubt if I will be found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, as I don’t own a gun. I will not hang myself or bleed myself or overdose myself to death; these forms of suicide make me very nervous. I may be found in some alley stabbed to death, but that is unlikely. I don’t think I will die on some operating table, as I doubt if I will have insurance.

My death, like my life, is more likely to be humiliating. I will probably be found dead with my head resting against a keyboard. On the computer screen will be the ad of a transsexual prostitute on backpages whom I was jerking off to before I died of a heart-attack upon orgasm. The cops, when they find me dead, would laugh if they were not so overwhelmed by my decomposing flesh.