I have tried to drink my problems away as I did before I left. But now I can’t. I am miserable when I drink and miserable when I don’t drink. There is no escape now.
Hungary to me now is a distant dream and, having fully woken up to my miserable and hopeless life in the United States, I cannot imagine a Hungary. There is no world out there beyond my four walls of shit and the places that my shitbox takes me to.
Don’t get me wrong. There are worse lives, far worse. My life is not bad. The problem is that it is a non-life. I sit here and I watch all that unrealized potential go to hell. All I wanted in life was to screw women and create babies. It wasn’t much to ask. Good Christ, how did I get myself into this situation?
I’ll keep trying, like I always do. There is nothing more that I can do.
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